What I Learned About Marriage From Ashley Madison
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What I Learned About Marriage From Ashley Madison

Many of you don’t know me beyond my blog and my role as a mom. The fact that I worked for Ashley Madison is not something I used to tell everyone, especially not people whom I just met. I used to say that I worked for a Toronto based media company which was 100% accurate.  However, my time spent at Ashley Madison is part of my resume on my Linkedin public profile, and I’ve never tried to hide that I worked there either.

Ashley Madison was my very first job in Toronto and I worked for the company for three years. It was a 9 to 5 full-time job like any other. I am very grateful for the way they welcomed me to the team, helped me settle down in Toronto, and supported me when I went on maternity leave. For any of you who don’t know, Ashley Madison is a dating site for married people or people who are looking for discreet adult encounters.

During my work there I scanned and reviewed thousands of profiles from all over the world. I have been exposed to sensitive information about people’s personal life and their deepest, darkest secrets. When I started to work for Ashley Madison, I promised myself that I wouldn’t judge anyone else for their behaviour. As a married woman, the idea of the cheating website was unnerving. But as I got more into the stories of people’s lives and the details behind them, I began to understand that life was more complicated than I originally thought. Relationships are complex, and some people’s life paths are very different than what they had wished for.

What I Learn About Marriage From Ashley Madison

Things I Learned About Marriage From Ashley Madison

Here are a few thoughts about marriage I would like to share that I picked up from working at Ashley Madison.

1. Everybody cheats. Rich, poor; people from the big city and little towns; young and old; teachers and doctors. There are people who just got married who cheat and people who only start cheating after 50 years of marriage. There is no “cheating” type.

2. Women cheat as well. You need two to tango! It’s easy to think that only men are looking outside their relationships, but the truth is that women do the same.

3. People don’t necessarily cheat for sex. Cheating can be about having someone who cares about you, adding excitement to your life, having a partner who listens to you, friendship, loneliness, and so on.

4. People don’t necessarily have an affair with a person who is better-looking than their spouse. People are more likely to have an affair with someone who they have a common mindset with when it comes to relationships and intimacy.

5. Relationships come in many different colours and shapes. People are more open-minded than ever before. Many couples use sites where discretion is guaranteed to find something they are looking for together as a couple or giving permission to their spouses to look for something he or she likes. It doesn’t mean that they don’t have a good marriage or a good relationship.

What I Learn About Marriage From Ashley Madison

My biggest tip for all of you – Men and Women Alike

Have open and honest communication with your partner. Talk about your dreams, your worries, your passion, your family plan.

Don’t hide anything from your partner. Be honest with your wants. On the other hand, be a good listener and accept your partner’s wants as best you’re able to.

People change all the time, and their wants can also change over time.
Acceptance and honesty are the keys to open communication in a good relationship.

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What I Learned About Marriage From Ashley Madison
Diel Gerber
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